What is Perfectionism? and How to overcome it
Perfectionism vs High Achievers
Our society may praise perfectionism, but someone who is an actual perfectionist is typically suffering. Perfectionism is different than being a high achiever. A high achiever is motivated by their standards, they pursue goals and are not hyper critical of themselves where it affects their self esteem.
A perfectionist feels that they need to be perfect in order to get validation from others. They are very hard on themselves and their standards are very strict, rigid, and sometimes unrealistic. Even after the perfectionist achieves their goal, there is usually a feeling of not being “good” enough. Their negative self talk often leads them to extreme anxiousness or depression.
A little more about perfectionism..
Perfectionism acts as a defense mechanism to protect you from the feelings of blame, judgement, and shame. We tell ourselves that “If only I did this thing perfectly, I would be accepted by others”. The problem is that perfect doesn’t exist and it’s more of a self acceptance issue rather than their performance.
Pro wrestling legend named Mr. Perfect was known for his perfection inside and outside the ring. This is an example of the misrepresentation of perfectionism in pop culture.
Signs of Perfectionism
Extremely high standards- The standards that they have set for themselves are not fair. They are unable to look at any of the positives, but rather hyperfocus on the smallest critcism and judge their work based on that.
Procrastination- Tasks seem much more grand in the mind of a perfectionist. The fear of not being able to complete it “perfectly” often leads to procrastination.
Indecisiveness- Making decisions become difficult due to the fear of failure. The perfectionist might think “What if I make the wrong choice?”. This often leads the perfectionist to feel overwhelmed and anxious.
Feelings of inadequacy- Perfectionists may suffer from low self esteem. They believe that they need to do everything “perfect” in order to be accepted.
Obsessing over details- The perfectionist is likely very thorough when completing their tasks. Something that may be simple for most people like sending out an email, may take a very long time. Perfectionists would proof read till the email is good enough to send.
“Done is better than perfect.” - Sheryl Sandberg
How to overcome it
Lower your effort- You are your own biggest critic. If you slightly lower your effort the chances are nobody will notice and you will likely get the same result.
Set realistic goals- Make a list to help breakdown the things that are pending. Prioritize what is urgent and needs to get done and cross them off your list. Set goals that are realistic and attainable. Start off small and use S.M.A.R.T goals as a guide.
Make mistakes- Tackle your indecisiveness by making decisions. Everyone makes mistakes. We can learn from them and become better versions of ourselves. Just remember to pay attention to your self talk and try to be kind to yourself in the process.
Develop a kinder voice- Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself. Is the voice in your head strict, harsh and pessimistic? Talk to yourself like you would to a friend. Your worth is not based on your achievements.You are enough just the way you are!
Enjoy the process- Try to make things more enoyable for yourself. If it means playing your favorite music while completing pending tasks or rewarding yourself after achieving a goal. Have fun with it instead of looking at it as a daunting task.
If you need extra support to grapple against perfectionism, please book a free consultation and I’d be more than happy to help :)